FupDuckTV

As some of you may have noticed, MiddleMan has been absent for about 6 months. I’m sorry to say that, contrary to many rumors, I was NOT suspended by FUP’s management (is there really any management, or is it strictly mis-management?), I was NOT committed to the care of a mental hospital for “unnatural cravings of raw vegetables”, nor was I a guest of one of our fine state or local law enforcement facilities for driving too fast and/or trafficking. No, life merely caught up to me – work, school, life, sleep, beer, etc. all started to crowd out each other. I don’t think I even turned on the TV since mid-October. I came to the realization that I could actually accomplish so much more if I could only break my addiction to sleep. I’ll work on that more later. The same goes for my addiction to food.

At very least, my efforts did include attempting to write at least two beer reviews a week – a goal that I have actually been nearly successful at. But for all of you loyal readers of all things FUP (and that means all 10 of you), I am making the New Year’s resolution to begin writing on a weekly basis again. You, kind reader, deserve to hear all the poignant witticisms and derisive banter that you have come to expect for us here at FUP. Furthermore, since my other New Year’s resolutions are to stop caring what other people think or have to say, to take myself much more seriously, and to insist that I get my way more often, I think this will certainly make for an entertaining year.

So, crack open a few beers, bake a loaf or two of bread, and enjoy a new year of FupDuck’s unique style of entertainment. Trust us, we know what you want.

Oh, yeah!!! I almost forgot: DRINK MORE!!!

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Happy New Year FupDuckTV readers and watchers. I hope everyone was able to welcome in the new year with a bang. Thank you to all of our readers, viewers and comment contributors for making FupDuckTV’s first year a success.

We have had some wonderful experiences during our first year including a trip to Louisville KY for Lebowski Fest 08 and our first remote show at a bar (name of the bar withheld be request of the bar’s management).

There has been many growing pains and learning experiences along the way. Some things we have learned along the way:

• Always have a backup of your blog before you upgrade.
• Careful what you say when you are mic’d.
• Everything is legal on the internet.
• If you say it is ok for us to tough your boobs, we will.
• M!dd13m4n can easily drink an entire 64oz of very strong beer in 45 minutes.
• Filming outside comes with its own set of problems.
• Filming at night without a spotlight is difficult, but not impossible.
• There are tons of beers in the world and we intend to drink them all.
• Many people do not know what it means to get FupDuck!

We have quite a few goals for our second year and we hope you can help make them possible. We also plan on bringing you some new features to our blog and video podcast. We will be bringing you more remote video shoots, more good times and interesting stories to our blog. One feature that we are going to be adding this year will be our FupDuckTV Girls. We will be interviewing beautiful women and letting you know all about them.

We are going to try to get our video podcasts going again. Due to scheduling conflicts, it has been over 4 months since our last filming. *sigh*

2009 is going to be a great year for FupDuckTV and hopefully it will be for you too. Remember, please send us some emails and leave us some comments on our blog. We want to hear from you.

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Buffalo Bill’s Brewery, Hayward, CA
Blueberry Oatmeal Stout

Three simple words describe this beer: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. I took the bait. I willingly purchased this beer with the hope that there was an outside chance that this would be one of those magical, mystical combination of flavors that is greater than its constituent parts. Perhaps I was still under the influence from Blue Dawg Brewing’s Wild Blue Lager. All I can say is simply, “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot”. Who in their right mind would come up with the concept of brewing an oatmeal stout with blueberries? Who would ruin a good oatmeal stout with other stuff? Why? This beer, like any good stout is as dark as night, but with a subtle pastel purple color that only shows itself in the copious head. The experience goes down hill from there. Fast. The blueberry flavor jumps out at you when the first drop touches your tongue, although it is fighting with itself, a la the Three Stooges, with the deeply roasted, coffee like flavor and the creaminess that are both characteristic of an average oatmeal stout. Suffice to say, the overall flavor is VERY confused and unbalanced, a clinking, clattering cacophony of gastronomic schizophrenia. Then, on the aftertaste, the blueberry comes back to haunt you AGAIN with an odd bittersweet flavor, and this time it is battling the dryness that is usually present in stouts. The best thing about this beer is the empty bottle. One last time, to the people who came up with this combination or to the other people who are considering taking the bait and buying this beer, remember these three words: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

M!dd13m4n’s rating - 1 Pint

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Here’s a story we received about a true account of Christmas Eve activities that with any luck will provide a little tidbit of knowledge that hopefully none of you will need to refer back to at a later date. The names and locations have been omitted to protect the embarrassed.

“On Christmas Eve, MOST of the local area Urgent Care facilities close early, however one local office stays open later and will accept cases up to 9:45pm.

By now you should be able to surmise that this was no ordinary Christmas Eve.

After completing a game of Christmas Gift Tetris (packing too many Christmas gifts in the small trunk of a car), we loaded up the car and headed out for our annual Christmas Eve celebration.

After enjoying family dinner, I settled down on the couch. I was hoping to relax, but the gift exchange could and wouldn’t wait. So I stopped what I was doing, poured myself a beer and went into the living room for the wrapping paper massacre.

After all the carnage was over, Mom was gushing about her new blanket, Dad was excited about his new GPS unit, the wife had her new purse so she was content until next year. Even our two dogs got to enjoy the Christmas gifts. Our older English Bulldog had already adopted all of his and our younger Bulldog’s new dog toys.

I was starting to clean up the shrapnel when our older dog came into the room to rummage for buried treasure. I grabbed him and was wrestling with him as I pulled paper and boxes away from his jaws to help locate the toys. Suddenly I was sneak-attacked from behind by the younger bulldog with her razor sharp teeth … puncturing and ripping the top of my left ear. I grabbed the ear with my hand and applied pressure to it and got up to grab a paper towel. Instantly it was obvious that this was something that was going to have to take stitches to damn the flow of crimson.

After what seemed to be like an hour (time passes differently for those that are bleeding like a stuffed pig) the family and I piled into the car and started to head towards the Urgent Care while Mom was placing phone calls from the house. She was on hold with the local hospital to find which sites were open. Our first choice and closest Urgent Care was closed. That is when Mom called to say that there was open Urgent Care near by but they stopped taking patients at 9:45. Quick glance of the clock and it was 9:15. We were lucky enough to have time to get there, otherwise we would have had to go to one of the Hospital Emergency Rooms. I would have probably bled out waiting for seven hours to be seen.

Ok time for a short tangent… From a past small incident with our older dog, we discovered that the county has a zero tolerance dog bite policy and all reported dog bites have to be investigated. So we didn’t want two dogs with criminal records, we decided to make up a story to tell Urgent Care.

We got to the Urgent Care and they brought me in the back and gave me some medical gauge to help with the blood versus the paper towels that weren’t working too well. After filling out all the paper work, my wife and I were discussing our story … she was willing to take the fall. No, she was not claiming that she bit me, but rather that she was cutting my hair and clipped my ear. This story was not very plausible seeing that I have short hair and who gives a haircut on Christmas Eve.

So when they asked, I told them a modified version of the truth… I was wrestling under the Christmas tree when I got my ear caught on an ornament. The ornament or its hook sliced my ear. They bought it!!! Or at least they led on that they believed in my Christmas miracle (debacle). The medical staff started referring to it as the Ninja Christmas Tree Ornament. Obviously, I was the most entertaining patient that they had all day. The entire staff was standing around watching as they stitched up my Christmas wound. So after receiving six stitches to seal up the rip, we got our final paperwork completed and finally left around 10:30 that evening.

After getting back home, I poured out my beer that I only got to take one or two sips out of, had my alcohol free (sniff) eggnog and then went off to bed. Hopefully Santa would bring some pain killers.

So next year, be careful of any Ninja Christmas Tree Ornaments. But if you do get attacked, find out which Urgent Care is open on Christmas Eve if you don’t want to spend part of the holidays in the Hospital.”

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Many radio stations DJs across the globe are celebrating today, Dec 26th. Well, at least not publicly on the air. Today is the best day of the year in lite radio. Today is the day that all the seasonal Christmas music gets put away for another year.

It is finally over for another year. No more Mariah Carey’s shreaky “All I want for Christmas is you”. No more Faith Hill’s unwed mother anthem “A Baby Changes Everything”. And the WORST OF THEM ALL… No More Josh Groban’s “O Holy Night”. OH HOLY HELL!!! If I here that song one more Fup’in time, I’m going to drive an ice-pick into my ear.

I can’t imagine the poor souls that have to work in these radio stations. I’m sure their studios are a cross between overdone Christmas cheer and a 24-hour Suicide-Watch hospital ward.

This year was insanely harsh. The Christmas music started two full weeks before Thanksgiving. Before THANKSGIVING PEOPLE!!! That is FupDuck!!!

I remember when Christmas didn’t exist as a holiday until after the last Thursday in November. Department stores start every year earlier and earlier. I guess it is not surprising that the lite-rock stations (adult contemporary) are starting earlier too. Many stores have “Christmas in July” sales. I fully expect some stores to actually start putting up decorations and holiday sales signs IN JULY. In the business, they call this Christmas Creep, but it is just nuts!

Well, December 26th has finally arrived: The Best Day of the Year (in lite radio)! Let us remember the horrible 50+ day Christmas music marathon for next year. Let us fight tooth and nail to prevent Christmas Creep next year.

If you know a lite rock DJ, thank him or her for finally playing something different. See if they will sneak a Black Sabbath song on the air. That always goes over well at the nursing homes.

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Wishing all our readers a very FupDuck Christmas.

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